A Book Of One’s Own

A Book Of One’s Own

“Why do we wish to be remembered, even when none remain who looked upon our face? Surely, though it must retain an element of self-consideration, it is a last acknowledgement that we need to be loved; and, having gone from all touch, we trust that memory, may, as it were, keep our unseen presence with the borders of day.”

William Soutar

“… the life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he comparies the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.”

J.M. Barrie

“It would have been a very enjoyable ride altogether, that evening’s spin along the banks of the Rhine, if I had not been haunted at the time by the idea that I should have to write an account of it next day in my diary. As it was, I enjoyed it as a man enjoys dinner when he has got to make a speech after it, or as a critic enjoys a play.”

Jerome K. Jerome

Some of my favorite books are about books. Thomas Mallon wrote this one, in 1984, examining the topic of diaries, which also include journals, memoirs, and the like. It’s a curious impulse that most of us have indulged in at some point, to some degree. An impulse towards self expression, to immortalize our experiences and ideas, contrasted with a need for privacy and security from criticism and harm.

I’ve gotten more into the habit of journaling by participating in the Ploos. My posts tend to be short, and elliptical, as suits both my available time, and my natural inclination. I was slow to engage and participate, and even after all this time, I’m loath to share personal particulars, knowing how long the Internet remembers things, and how that is often used for bad purposes.

Now that the platform is declared to be on its death watch, I’ve watched the scurrying about with some interest. It’s interesting to me to see what features and functionalities are wished for by all the various folks here. It isn’t surprising that some of those lists are quite long and arcane, and that many of the proposed solutions are even more arcane than what is being closed down, and arguably less functional.

Only a very few folks on here I know from Real Life™. A slightly larger number from other places on the Internets, like Usenet. I’m tickled that some of you have enjoyed the things I’ve shared, and I have tried to express my appreciation for the many things that you have shared.

That’s one of the awkward things about journaling, isn’t it? The inescapable voyeurism? It seems less worrisome when it is historical, listening to Samuel Pepys say: “I must here remember that I have laid with my moher as a husband more times since this falling-out then in I believe twelve months before – and with more pleasure to her then I think in all the time of our marriage before.”

Spider Robinson once said, ”Just as there are Laws of Conservation of Matter and Energy, so there are in fact Laws of Conservation of Pain and Joy. Neither can ever be created or destroyed. But one can be converted into the other." The shortened version, “Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased — thus do we refute entropy" is called Callahan's Law.

Some of you have chosen to share some exceptionally personal and fraught narratives of your experiences (and then later deleted them). It is my hope that those letters remain burnt. And that you know that I read what you posted, and honor both your bravery, and your fragility, in doing so.

I don’t think that the platform matters as much as the content. And neither matters as much as the sense of community, which is a surprisingly durable and fragile thing, both at the same time. Folks long for community and shared experiences. That’s the hook that drew so many to FB. Hopefully, we’ll find some better ways to do that same thing.

I’ll close this meander with a listing of the topics from the book: Chroniclers, Travelers, Pilgrims, Creators, Apologists, Confessors, and Prisoners. I’ve met all of those, here, plus some that don’t fit easily into any category.

Closing down the bar/show/tour is hard, but inescapable. The memories will remain.